Game of Thrones “The Night Lands” review


Game of Thrones continues to up it’s game, getting better and better with every installment we get. Last nights episode featured some amazing character work from our small Lord Tyrion, a very icky homecoming for Theon Greyjoy, and someone losin’ their head over in Daenerys’ camp.

Here’s a quick rundown of last nights events:

On the Kingsroad, messengers of the King came to issue a warrant for the arrest of poor Gendry, the last of the late King Robert’s bastard sons. Fortunately for him, the men of the Night’s Watch don’t suffer the whims of idiot inbred Kings. Turns out our Gendry isn’t a fool, and has pieced together that little ‘Arry isn’t really a boy. In a fine little moment, Arya Stark reveals who she really is to Gendry and the poor boy gets all flustered about the language he’s been using around the little Lady. I love that these two have buddied up, and I gotta tell you, I think Gendry would make a fine King some day.

Peter Dinklage won an Emmy for his role as the diminutive Tyrion Lannister last season, and he continues to prove again this week why that was the smarted decision the Emmy’s have made in a long time. As he and his sister Queen Cersei lay out their grievances with each other and she drops this bomb: “Mother gone, for the sake of you. There’s no bigger joke in the world than that,” revealing that their mother died in childbirth with the Imp. The look on Tyrion’s face as he says “She was my mother too.” said SO much. Hurt, anger, regret. Peter Dinklage is giving a master class in acting each week on a “silly fantasy show”. He’ll have another trophy this year I have no doubt.

In fact, Lord Tyrion got three awesome scenes this week. I loved him stopping the Eunich at his chamber door with the warning “I do not like threats. I’m not Nedd Stark, I know how this game works.” Using his position as the King’s Hand, he exiles the Captain of the city watch for his part in killing babies. And in another telling moment, Tyrion asks his new Captain if he would slaughter a baby unquestionably if he asked him to. “Unquestionably? No. I’d want to know how much.” he says while grinning. The look on Tyrion’s face again says volumes. Is he really the only person in King’s Landing who thinks murdering babies is absolutely out of question?

Things continue to get worse and worse for Daenerys and her ragtag band. Her beloved “Blood of my blood” came back as only a head in his horses saddlebag, a clear message from the other Khal’s that they don’t approve of a woman leading a tribe. Her options are dwindling as quickly as her people. She needs to figure out a way to jumpstart Dragon puberty or something fast.

Theon Greyjoy, who has been a Ward to the Stark family since he was 9, returns to his family home in hopes of recruiting his father Balon’s ships into Robb Stark’s army. It seems poor Theon is a bit of a nymphomaniac however, and after having his way with a woman on his ship he immediately sets eyes on a new female once he gets ashore. After she offers to take him to see his Father, he starts putting the moves (and his hands) on her during the horse ride. When he does go before his father though, the reunion doesn’t exactly go as he planned. His father belittles him for “dressing like a whore” and, in a turn of phrase I quite like, asked if the fancy brooch on Theon’s cloak was bought with the “Iron” price or the “Gold” price. The Iron price means you took it off the body of someone you killed in combat, the Gold price being you bought it at a store cause it matched your outfit. Theon reluctantly admits he paid the Gold price.

Then comes the stomach turning twist: In a moment that makes you forgive Luke and Leia kissing in “Empire Strikes Back”, it turns out that the lady Theon was fondling and make dirty sex talk to on the horse ride to see his father? Yeah, that’s his sister. Oops. Barf.

Master of the King’s Coin, Littlefinger, had a Sopranos-esque scene as he pulled a “I’m not going to raise my voice, I’m going to calmly point out to you that if you don’t get your crap together and make me some money, horrible things are going to happen to you” moment with Theon’s favorite “lady of the night”, who couldn’t stop crying at the killing of a baby who had been one of King Robert’s bastards.

Over on Dragonstone Isle, Stannis Baratheon recruits a Pirate fleet to join his cause, and gives in to the seduction of the priestess Melisandre as she whispers in her ear the one thing that every man in the Seven Kingdoms wants to hear from a lady: “I can give you SONS.” Seems Stannis is every bit as foolish as his brother King Robert was.

Beyond the Wall, the noble Jon Snow unfortunately found what happens to that creep Craster’s sons. It happens to call back to the very first scene of the show in Season 1. Unfortunately he’s reward for this new information with a whack to the skull from Craster. Here’s hoping Jon’s direwolf, Ghost, makes a daring rescue. And that White Walker is out of earshot.

There you have it, a quick rundown of the episode. Did you watch it? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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